i am wrecked by this misty edwards teaching on worship. it was almost, or just over, 1 year ago that i listened to it the first time. i don't remember it being this way. but all i know is that it is going to change everything. best part?

the Lord said:

"woe to those that call good "evil" and evil "good" on that day
and blessed are you if you are not offended!!!"

and misty said:
"Lord, i am not offended...but what do we do?"

and the Lord said:
"SING, ZION...SING!!!!"

there's a lot of stuff in my mind.

this evening, while doing my usual walk through/search in the journal section of Barnes & Noble (which i do just about every other day...maybe) i told myself that i think i have just a slight problem when it comes to journaling.

i am obsessed with journals. i've been dilligent in some, but for the most part i find myself looking at, yearning for, and writing in bunches of different (gorgeous) journals. andrew was going to buy me a new moleskine on saturday night, and i'm suprised i didn't take him up on it...and then i almost bought myself a new one tonite too.

i also have a bunch of different online blogs. xanga, wordpress, blogger, my former ujournal which turned into a website i can't remember...ugh. I do these things. not to mention the fact that I twitter and facebook and e-update too many things probably. but that's just how it is...

and i won't stop liking journals.

IN OTHER NEWS:

-Andrew and I are super adorable. I'm learning how...interesting this is all going to end up being. But that's for me and the Lord to know, and you-whoever you are-to find out. he is such a great guy though...i mean..he just really super takes care of me and doesn't ever think that's a problem. He's always giving and loving and he is in love with Jesus. 'nuff said.

-i am so addicted to granny smith apple and natural peanut butter. like. seriously.

-i've lost over 50 lbs in the last 4 months.

-andrew and i have fish. Ludwig von Beetahoven lives @ Andrew's home, and Vladimere Betawitz lives @ my house. they both have their own aquapartments.

-i loves Jesus. a lot. we're gonna see revival real soon.

memorial day

well, it's memorial day.
guess what i've done?
not much.

i got up at 430am, got ready, made a london fog, put my trash out, and drove to 6am prayer.
i scrunched myself into my favorite corner, perfect for 6am's when i'm sleepy, and prayed. Sometimes i just listened to everyone else pray. Mostly I listened to Andrew pray, because he was a couple feet away, and he just prays so "beautifully".
I really do like to listen to him pray...is that creepy? I don't think so. Maybe a little...ok. lol.

-let me take a second to be upfront and honest about something, mostly because this stuff is in my mind and i am allowed to say what I want on here and i won't really probably say all of this to any person. I really really really really have never ever felt about someone the way that I feel about Andrew. I'm so glad we're dating. He is seriously best friend and if I had to spend endless hours hanging out with him it wouldn't even be boring or terrible it'd be great. I get sad when we have to leave, and i look forward to every single giant hug and every little stage of this getting-to-know-you-as-my-boyfriend level of things. i love how slow it is. i love that he respects me. i LOVE above all things that he is in love with the Lord and that will always come first. I love that he prays for me. I love that he's a pastor and that he has a vision for DBC Fort Worth that is bigger than all of us and will come to pass. I love that I'm his favorite and that he does adorable things like putting my picture as his phone background and that we text all day long when we don't see each other. He makes me laugh like no one else does, and we are basically two very the same but still completely different people. Anything that any other guy has done in a relationship that would creep me out (even the picture-as-background thing) makes me smile and makes me really happy coming from him. And I've told the Lord over and over that this guy is just way too good for me, that the fact that the Lord would pick someone like this for me is just such a huge incredible honor. Ah...wow. i know that there is so much that the Lord has to work on with both of us, and i even love that. i think i'm done with saying all that for now:)

anywho, we sat for a little while after prayer and chatted...i went and had some much-needed Monday post-6am prayer lady time @ starbucks, which was nice because since it's a holiday almost no one was there:) Loves it.

then i went to target, bought a cute dress and a clutch that i think im going to wear to my interview on thursday @ the new Downtown Campus of TCC, and then came home to nap. i woke up with terrible cramps and i pretty much slept away most of this holiday...i haven't been outside since like 10 am. lol...

anywho. i kinda wish i could see bf tonite. i'm working on letting him pursue me...it's rough sometimes, but it's GOOD.

love you.

saturdays.

ugh. i feel like a big jerk.

You know, i need the Lord like sooooo very much. I need Him to change me, and to teach me how to be a better everything. I do not know how to be like Jesus.

i am realizing a lot lately how icky my flesh is
and how it really does war against my spirit.

good thing Andrew and i really suck at fighting.

i apparently can't blog tonite. everything seems pretty petty, so i'm gonna leave it at this and just GO !

oh wait real fast...
i went to see some of the Van Cliburn preliminaries tonite...mostly to see Nobuyuki Tsujii perform @ 7:30pm. These pianists in the cliburn are some of the best in the whole world, but this guy blew me away. He's Japanese, 20 years old, and he's been blind since birth.
he was absolutely incredible.

i hope he wins.

i like me some revelation.

"Therefore, my beloved, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord, because you know that in the Lord you labor is not in vain".
-1 Corinthians 15:58

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so I'm sitting here this morning reading my bible. Skipping around, not reading anything really in particular...it's funny because I'm usually pretty well focused when it comes to reading but I realize how willing my spirit is, and how weak my flesh is when I open up my Bible. I become pretty distracted relatively easily.

None-the-less, I just read Psalm 147 and I'm really loving it, especially this part:

"...He covers the heavens with clouds, prepares rain for the earth, makes grass grown on the hills. He gives to the animals their food, and to the young ravens when they cry. His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor His pleasure in the speed of a runner; but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His steadfast love."
-Psalm 147:8-11

I am a girl who must write as I revelate. Is revelate a word? If it isn't, it sure is now.

So I'm really loving this thing about the Lord "preparing" rain, "making" grass grow, "giving" food to the animals. I love how those verbs are used. As I read that, I started to realize that so many times we look at God and think He just waves around this little magic wand all the time and *poof*'s His way through all our (measly) situations...but if you read that and think about it I really think it's more like well Yes, He does have this ultimate unlimited power because He's GOD, but on the other hand He isn't some unpassionate, not caring, indifferent being...rather He's so caring and loving and thoughtful that He doesn't just go "Yeah, ok whatever...rain rain rain. Whateverrrrr here's some grass...Ugh. Food. There ya go guys."
no
He PREPARES the rain. He crafts it, makes it come in it's due time, always thinks on it, sends it for us. Sends the rain for the land. Prepares the rain for the land. Spends some of His time using His own hands to send something like rain...
He MAKES the grass grow. Maybe He coaxes it sometimes? Maybe He takes each little seed for every little blade, and lays it perfectly in a row, or sprinkles it fondly on the hillsides, pats it down to make sure that it sticks and is comfortable in the soil. Maybe He speaks to it, since His spoken word is action and power. Maybe He watches it's progress...maybe He really likes St. Augustine grass.
He GIVES the animals, us included, food. He responds to the cry of His people. He knows what they need and doesn't just throw it at them or magically transport it to them, No, He GIVES to them, He gives to us.

I really love this. I don't know how anyone else is understanding this but it's just a big thing for me. I mean, that's love. A God that isn't indifferent? That's love. A God that thinks upon us and doesn't just respond because He CAN but responds because He loves us deeply---that is what our God is.

Wow.